Confronting Control and Abandoning Perfectionism
I used oil pastels for the first time in 9 years and decided to confront the experience of working with a material I had no confidence in using. I purchased an A6 sketchbook and retrieved some old oil pastels from the back of my cupboard and begun. No strategy or plan other than to pick the colours I enjoyed and apply them to the page.
I began to fall into the process of blending each colour, finding new and varying shades, attempting to evoke light and dark, and hint to the formation of ambiguous shapes open to interpretation. I fell in love with the process and the results. And then I turned the page. I began again, a fresh empty slate with new and enticing colours, blending and merging and mixing. I turned the page back to admire the previous piece, and it was entirely different.
I had neglected to consider the consequence of colouring the other side of the page, and how it would impact the previous work each time, disrupting the colours blended with intention, and forming something entirely new and entirely different to the results I initially had. It took me a moment to process and to accept and eventually, it became a lesson. With each page turn, I was able to let go of the work I had created, the piece I had completed and results I was pleased with. Each time, knowingly, I embraced moving forward and letting go, and quickly came to enjoy the reveal of how the previous work had evolved. New textures, tones and shapes morphed by impressions of each pastel on the other side of the paper.
The lesson, however, emerged clearly when I ensured that every page I coloured was my focus, and avoided the desire to frequently check the page before in an attempt to see how it was being effected. It became a form of mindfulness as I practised bringing my attention to the current activity in front of me, and in that moment, I had a glimpse into the freedom of letting go a little, and the wonders it could bring.
Letting Go A Little 